This week's column: Must See TV

Must See TV

Well this is it. This is my last week in Central Texas – for now.
I have accepted a position as a reporter at the Waxahachie Daily Light.
Now I know some of you may be shocked, flabbergasted and others may be relieved to see me go, but I decided this was a move I needed to make to be closer to my family.
And if there was any question for me about moving, they were answered when Terri Covington sold my house in about two hours.
Seriously -- she put the sign in the yard at 10 a.m. and by 11:30 a.m. someone had come and seen the house and was ready to make an offer. She’s good. And I’m not ashamed to give her and her office a shameless plug.
I bought my house through her a year-and-a-half ago and I was glad to sell it through her as well.
But despite my leaving, I’m going to really miss this area I’ve called home for the last five years.
I’m even going to miss the people I’ve worked with for the last two-and-a-half years.
Allman keeps saying he could write a sit-com about our offices and it would be “Must See TV” and I think he’s right.
So to help him build his character list, I’ve decided to put together a brief bio of the characters for him.
David Tuma – The publisher and owner of The Belton Journal. There’s never been a more loyal guy to walk the face of the earth. Even when the Belton Tigers were down and out last year, he was their biggest fan. And no matter what you may say or do to him, if you’ve been privileged enough to be one of his friends – he’ll be there till the end. He’s prone to some exaggeration in his headlines and stories, but they all go to prove his loyalty to Belton and BISD: “Belton destroys the Wildcats 7-6” and “Wildcats squeeze by the Tigers 52-7” and “Belton demolishes the Knights 15-14.”
Elsie Wiley – The bookkeeper extraordinaire and the unofficial manager of the entire company. While David may be the official head of the company, Elsie is the neck that turns the head whatever direction she wants. Not only is she responsible for keeping track of billing for the Belton Journal, she also handles all the accounts and bookkeeping for The Harker Heights Evening Star. She has worked for the Journal for more than a decade and is often known for her no-nonsense attitude. She’s the calm after the storm. No matter who gets their feathers ruffled, Elsie has a way of calming people down. She also knows more about the company than anyone else. If she ever gets sick, the office is immediately moved to her bedside so she can continue to manage it.
James Love – Mr. Sincerity. There’s not a nicer or more sincere guy anywhere than James Love. James has the heart of a saint and the guitar skills of The Edge. He’s always working hard to make people happy and life easier for everyone around him. The editor of The Belton Journal and former editor of The Evening Star, has developed an unhealthy addiction to Starbucks – not the coffee as much, but the business itself. But I’m sure with a few free drinks at your favorite coffeehouse, he could be persuaded to find a new addiction.
Berneta Peeples – The sage of the company. At 87, Berneta has worked at the Journal since she was 13 and has no plans to quit anytime soon. According to her doctors she’ll live to be 115 and will outlive everyone else in the company. She has her own fan club across the country that use her for any and all genealogical and historical information about Bell County and Belton.
Kathy LaPell – The can-do woman. Whether it’s selling ads, building them or laying out special sections, Kathy has the can-do attitude it takes to put a paper to press. Despite the fact that she can’t say, “Toyota,” Kathy works hard and is always taking on extra tasks when called upon. She’s always the first to arrive in the morning and is willing to stay late when needed.
Michael Robinson – Salesperson extraordinaire. Michael must work 60 hours a week. Not only does he carry a full-time load at The Belton Journal, he’s also the sales manager for The Harker Heights Evening Star. Michael can be as straight faced as Ben Stine, but can crack up and have a good time with everyone else. Michael is often the comic relief for the company, with his off the wall questions and jokes when tensions rise at press time.
Susan Gibson – Mrs. Cool. Allman and I seriously think she may be addicted to downers because of how cool and calm she always is. No matter what comes her way, Susan is there with a smile and a cool, relaxed attitude. We’ve also recently discovered she may have an unhealthy addiction to Alan Jackson and football. Wait – that’s an unhealthy addiction to Alan Jackson and an extreme loathing for football.
Beth Van Sickler – Mrs. Organization. Beth has a plan and organization system of her own for everything. Her ads are organized in such ways that CIA agents have sought her advice on encoding top-secret information. She can find an ad that ran on page A3 20 years ago -- in seconds. She’s also become very adept at deciphering the top secret Journal code, known also as David and Michael’s handwriting.
Chris Allman – A once full-time sports editor for The Journal, Allman has now managed to reduce his work week to roughly five hours a week, for the same pay. Within those five hours Allman covers every sport in Belton and lays out six to eight pages a week of fine sports coverage. Although he never meets press deadline and never takes any pictures for the sports section, he does have his own cultic fan club, known as “Chris Allman’s Almonds,” because to enjoy his writing, you have to be completely nuts. Membership forms can be found at www.allmansalmonds.org.
Supporting Cast:
The Heitmillers – Whether it’s reporting the news or appearing in it, the Heitmiller family may soon take over the entire company. Brett, Blair and Bailey have all worked part-time jobs or as stringers for the paper and each family member has appeared at least 42 times over the past year within the editorial copy of the paper (mainly in Allman’s Random Ramblings).
Norm – No one knows who he is or where he comes from, but twice a year he appears for weeks at a time to sell specials in the paper. “It’s well read. Lot’s of white space. Very popular,” rings in the ears of everyone in the company by the time he leaves.
Ray Bottoms – One of the coolest guys in Belton. As a city employee, readers of The Journal voted him the top City Employee for 2004. We’re not sure what he does for the paper, but he comes in enough he must be on the payroll – and we love every minute of it.
Butch – Distribution Manager. Despite his tough name and exterior, Butch is a big softy, until you mess with one of his newsstands. He coordinates the distribution of papers across Belton each Wednesday afternoon. Rumor has it that he once broke a man’s pinky for paying for a paper with wooden nickels.
I think that about wraps up the cast of The Belton Journal and Harker Heights Evening Star sit-com.
Granted I’m sure there will be plenty of guest stars and special appearances by city managers, police chiefs and readers, but that will be up to Allman – that is if he can ever break away from his rough five-hours a week of work.