I wish I had written this one

Here's one of those columns I read and think, "Man. I wish I had written that."

Well, some people thought the signature differential was significant. Just ask the campaign of Chris "Will-Somebody-Please-Take-Me-Seriously?" Bell.
"Carole Strayhorn cannot possibly win this race," said Bell spokesman Jason Stanford. "And having fewer signatures than a novelty country singer only proves my point."
Grandma appears to be losing her bite. If the trend continues, she could be — yikes — all gums.
Grandma, of course, dismisses early polls. "It's a two-person race," she says.
Interesting. That's what Kinky Friedman says. That's what Chris Bell says. That's what Rick Perry says.
Stop the presses. Somebody is lying.
Perry says the race is between him and Bell (even though the Rasmussen poll shows Bell in fourth).
Bell agrees with Perry (even though far more Texans have heard of Bigfoot than Bell. Chris who?)
Then there's Kinky, who says the race is between him and apathy (even though more people view Kinky very unfavorably, 26 percent, than any other candidate).
Grandma insists she's not worried. But she should be. In the time it takes to pronounce her name, Kinky creeps closer to Perry and gets a free chunk of airtime on 60 Minutes.